Who's Moving to Mars with Us if Donald Drumpf Becomes President?

Every week I'll be here to reveal and review some of my favorite moments from the internet. Whether it be binging television shows, streaming sports or simply getting lost in a YouTube rabbit hole, I'm here to give you my top picks every Friday, as well as the perfect pairing to get into an optimal headspace for them. This week, we're totally fucking blown away by Elon Musk's unveiling of the Space X plan to colonize Mars. Also, there was a political debate or something.

  

A Multiplanetary Species

Recommended Pairing: Enough Tang™ for around one-hundred people over eighty days.

Ok, so the CGI in this video is on par with a "high-budget" porno flick, but don't let that or the generic sweeping epic music fool you — this video is one of the coolest mother fucking things I've ever seen, especially when watched in the context of launching just off the heels of a debate where very little was discussed in terms of specific plans for the future.

 

 

Mr. Musk has laid out an incredibly detailed policy of making humans an interplanetary species. Watch:

 

It's so refreshing to see a smart person talking specifics about plans to accomplish great things. I mean, compare that coherent and brilliant 90-minute presentation with this gem from a man currently running for president of the United States of America.

 

 

 

This is the same guy who, when pressed about cyber security, rambled on about how his 10-year-old son is good with computers, and how we may have been hacked by some 400 pound dude jamming on some crusty old keys in his parents' basement, or whatever. I forget exactly what he said, but If Donald Drumpf isn't going to prepare for the first national debate, well, I'm certainly not going to take 30 seconds to Google the exact quote. Fuck it.

 

Anyways, let's stop talking about Drumpf. I'll touch on the debates later. Let's get back to Mars, because this is a subject of discussion worthy of a national debate.

• Are we happy a private company is going to Mars?
• Wouldn't this be better if NASA was doing this and America was going to colonize the red planet instead of one seemingly non-evil billionaire?
• Shouldn't we be talking about the kind of society and government we'll set up when it's colonized?
• Why the fuck are we having a debate about simple science facts in this country when we're very literally in the early stages of being able to send real fucking humans to mother fucking MARS!!!

That last point is the real kicker for me. This debate could have come from the early '90s. When I watched Hillary up there trying her damnedest not to appear like a shrill bitch as she watched that bald-headed baby spew bullshit from his puckered little mouth I realized how antiquated our political system is.

Here's some thoughts:

• What's the point of bringing back manufacturing jobs when they'll be fully automated by the time the factory is built?
• When the autonomous car revolution rolls in over the last half of this decade what will we do with the MILLIONS of former professional drivers?
• Since most of our organs for transplant are pulled from victims in automobile crashes, shouldn't we be putting a premium on finding new methods and resources to prevent a catastrophic collapse of the organ donation system? Shouldn't we be investing in future technologies Mr. Tru–
  
  

"WRONG!"

Whoa. Don't interrupt me, you dumb asshat!

Anyways, like I was saying...We have to start thinking about creating an infrastructure in this country catered to the future of–

"Wrong."

 

Fine. Whatever. 

 

On the Sidelines

Recommended Pairing: Sips from that old beer in your crisper drawer you forgot about from last Thanksgiving.

Just a friendly reminder: There are more than two people running for President in this current campaign. There is also the guy who would have had the moral high ground to eviscerate Drumpf, but instead of watching that serious man talk seriously about the nation he loves, this picture/tweet spread like wildfire:

 

Ouch. My feelings. I can't tell what makes me feel worse: The fact that he's not at the debate or the fact that i have a nicer television than my main man, B. Sandy. America is so weird.

 

Speaking of weird, the third (and fourth) party candidates got a little attention by the mainstream media and promptly ended their credibility. Apparently Gary Johnson has no space left in his brain for any information about the world outside of America. Is that a libertarian thing, being super conservative with stored information in your head?

 

 

Oops.

 

Jill Stein at least showed up to the debate at Hoffstra University. Sure she was promptly escorted away, but that didn't mean she couldn't participate in the debate, right?

 

 

I love this idea. Let's do a contest and just green screen in anyone who wants in on the debate! What could go wrong?!

 

'Til Next Week.

 

 

 

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