I don’t own a crystal ball or know how to read tarot cards, but I do have a Magic 8-Ball. At some point in our lives we all come across the novelty gift, which is a much-less intimidating option than the Ouija board. So lighting a candle while enjoying a libation, I set the mood to peer into the future to find answers for what’s in store for us in the world of wrestling in 2017.
With 2016 behind us, we’re all holding out hope that 2017 will treat us better, or at least not leave deep wounds like its predecessor. For all of the “business as usual” crap we got in wrestling last year, there were some bright spots like the duo of BFF’s Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho; the dominance of AJ Styles; the magic of Shinsuke Nakamura and the reemergence of tag team wrestling!
While some people (Zoltar!) might be so bold as to predict what will happen this year, the Magic 8-Ball has given me answers for events that won’t happen in 2017. Answers to questions you didn’t even know you had! So with that said, let’s shake this plastic oracle and see what we shouldn’t expect in this New Year.
Roman Reigns Won’t Turn Heel
Regardless of how consistent of a performer he is and keeps getting better at every pay-per-view, Roman Reigns continuously gets booed by crowd’s every time he walks down the ramp. At this point, people are booing because it’s the “thing” to do or those “smart marks” love patting themselves on their backs, going against Vince’s guy. Next to John Cena turning heel, Reigns is the second most desired turn by fans. So will Roman finally go bad this year, doing the switch like his cousin The Rock, during the “Rocky Sucks!” days? Not gonna happen. He might be an anti-hero but won’t make the full heel switch, as the WWE higher-ups see this guy as a face of the company and will keep positioning him as such in 2017.
Broken Matt Hardy Won’t Join WWE
So how does Broken Matt top a 2016 that rejuvenated his career and made him one of the most entertaining wrestlers on the planet? He should stick to the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality, which means don’t head up to Stamford and join WWE. Sure he’ll be tempted with money and promises of a big push. But we all know that the moment he signs, Vince and his crew will crap on the gimmick and Matt will flounder in pointless storylines. Considering the delicate state of TNA, he can literally do whatever creatively he wants there. If he wants to go on a road trip with Brother Nero, Vanguard 1 and Senor Benjamin, searching for bigfoot and leprechauns to wrestle, TNA will give him the greenlight. That freedom you can’t buy!
Paige Won’t Stay With WWE
Remember when Paige was a can’t miss, blue chip talent that was supposed to be the face of this new era of Women’s Wrestling? Yeah, it’s been awhile. Whether it’s the classic case of “too much, too soon” or just not mature enough for the spot, Paige’s WWE career has been somewhat of a bust. 2016 was a mess, as she didn’t have much to do in the ring, while outside of it, she got engaged to Alberto Del Rio and was continuously on WWE’s suspension list for wellness policy violations. At some point this year, she’ll just call it a career and go have Del Rio’s babies or WWE will wish her the best on her future endeavors. She can keep screaming that it’s “her house” all she wants, but it turns out that she’s just a tenant and the eviction notice is on the door.
Undertaker Won’t Retire at WrestleMania
Gone are the days when The Undertaker was an intimidating figure that fans watched in awe. With years of wear and tear on his large frame, the man now wobbles to the ring now like Mick Foley. With bad knees, hips and just about every other joint, The Deadman’s days in wrestling are withering away. He’s now at a point where he only competes at WrestleMania and many are speculating that WrestleMania 33 in Orlando, FL will be his swan song. As much as it makes sense, we don’t see The Undertaker stepping away at the Showcase of the Immortals. The sad thing about the business is that wrestlers never know when it’s time to call it quits. Usually only death or a serious injury is the only three count that stops these men and women. Taker will keep rolling himself out to the ring till there’s nothing left.
CM Punk Won’t Return to Wrestling or MMA
He might love dropping pipe bombs on the mic, but CM Punk learned just how tough real fighting is outside of the confines of a wrestling ring. Destroyed by Mickey Gall in just 2:14 at UFC 203 in September, Punk’s dreams of being an MMA fighter quickly turned into a nightmare as he got choked out. As for those loyal (Chicago) fans hoping for Punk to return to WWE or another promotion like Ring of Honor (ROH) or TNA, let Stephanie McMahon answer your “CM Punk!” chants for you:
Kenny Omega Won’t Join WWE…Just Yet
As we’ve stated in the past, Kenny Omega is currently the best thing going outside of WWE. As much as I’d love to see him compete against the current WWE/NXT roster, he’s too business savvy to make the jump in 2017. With NJPW’s Wrestle Kingdom 11 taking place today (January 4), Kenny’s poised to be the new IWGP Heavyweight Champion, which will only boost his stock and cement him as the face of NJPW. Kenny knows what he’s worth and what he brings to the table. He’s been offered numerous WWE contracts before but has turned them down knowing he’d either get lost in the shuffle or be wasted, like some of his friends. Maybe in 2018 the time will come, but till then we still have The Elite YouTube channel to enjoy.
WrestleMania 33 Won't Be a Satisfying Event
WrestleMania sucking…you can’t be surprised by now, right?! For all of the hype, press and build-up WWE does for its Super Bowl show, the event has been flat the last couple of years. Whether it’s HHH taking up a main event spot, or getting a dud match like Brock Lesnar v. Dean Ambrose, or John Cena beating whomever he’s pitted against, it’s as if WWE wants fans to crap on the event. Whatever dream matches you might be hoping for this year, you won’t get them. The smart money is buying a ticket to the RAW following WrestleMania, because that show always delivers the unexpected and overflows with entertainment.
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