Are you ready for another bloated WrestleMania? Well you better be as WrestleMania 33 is less than two weeks away. Over the past few years, “The Showcase of the Immortals” has become the equivalent of that amazing new restaurant your friends hype up, only to be a lackluster experience after going yourself. No matter how much we - the WWE Universe - try to convince ourselves that this year will be different, chances are ‘Mania will leave many pissed off.
This may sound like a “back in my day” piece where I (a crotchety writer) point out flaws in wrestling today, only to look at the past with rose-colored glasses. You’re correct!
Looking beyond the bland card, head-scratching booking and embarrassing sex-tapes (a new ‘Mania tradition?), we journey to yesteryear to find elements, people and thingamajigs that were once components in the early success of WrestleMania.
These changes may not make all of the matches five-star quality or give us satisfying payoffs for every storyline, but they could make that almost six-hour runtime easier to digest!
Bring Back The Classic WrestleMania Theme Song
Apparently Vince McMahon and his lackeys — like Executive Producer Kevin Dunn — think that Flo Rida is a cool/popular musical act. It’s the equivalent of your parents thinking something is “hot” or “hip,” which basically brands the guy with a scarlet letter.
His name is ridiculous but Flo Rida manages to top that with every crappy song that ends up as the white noise you hear at malls, sporting events and dental offices. Last year WWE used “My House” as the official theme for WrestleMania 32 and this year they went back to the Flo Rida well using “Greenlight” by Pitbull feat. Flo Rida for WrestleMania 33. While the company probably gets nice paychecks from record labels for using the songs, they all pale in comparison to the classic, old-school WrestleMania theme.
Perfectly titled “The Grand Spectacle,” WWE Legend Jim Johnston composed an epic, instantly recognizable tune that sold the magic of the event. Used for WrestleMania 6-8, the instrumental song lifted ‘Mania to another level, making it feel grand. It set the mood and let viewers know that what they were about to watch would blow them away. Bringing the song back would do wonders for the hype!
Bring Back The WrestleMania Ring Carts
At this year’s Royal Rumble, carts were used to bring down hosses like The Big Show and Braun Strowman to the ring during the 30-man main event. You may not have seen it as the cameras would cut away right before the big fellas got on. This was done for time and so that the wrestlers wouldn’t gas out before entering the ring. As is the case with most stadiums, the walkway entrances tend to be super long.
Instead of using a golf cart or trying to hide the fact that they do this, WWE should really embrace this element like they have in the past. At WrestleMania III and IV (and even WWF Superstars the Arcade), carts shaped like mini-wrestling rings were used to move talent to and from the ring. Seeing WWE Hall of Famers like Hulk Hogan, “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Andre the Giant part the crowds in these mini-rings was glorious! Like something out of a rock concert or a Vegas stage show, the ring carts were a simple yet effective way to add another unique element to the show, while also making the wrestlers appear larger-than-life.
Bring Back WrestleMania Report/Countdown
Mean Gene Okerlund is one of the greatest salesmen/pitchmen to ever grace sports entertainment. Remember to “call your local cable company for availability” is what Mean Gene would push viewers to do every time a WrestleMania Report would come on TV. Calling to order a pay-per-view is a thing of the past as we live in a digital age but even so, the business of getting people to tune in for WrestleMania hasn’t changed.
Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, PPV reports/countdowns were commonplace, playing like cool infomercials hyping must-see matches and stars. The 5- to 10-minute length segments would run down the card, feature interviews from combatants and include special behind the scenes footage. WWE should revert back to this formula instead of having announcers like Michael Cole and JBL constantly interrupt matches to keep selling the event. Not only is it annoying but they’re killing the in-ring product of RAW and Smackdown.
Corey Graves or Renee Young would be ideal to host today’s version of the WrestleMania Report, as both are likeable and great talkers. A month before ‘Mania, you’d setup the Report/Countdown as a half-hour weekly special on the WWE Network or include it as a segment on RAW, separate from RAW Talk. Having a WrestleMania specific show helps build storylines and increase the excitement level for fans.
Bring Back The Celebrities
This isn’t a call to see celebrities competing in matches. Fans were spared a trainwreck at this year’s WrestleMania 33 when a proposed match between The Big Show vs Shaquille O’Neal fell apart. If it’s not The Big Show getting roped into awful gimmick matches against the likes of Floyd “Money” Mayweather or sumo champion Akebono, it’s celebrities like Jon Stewart interfering and trying to battle stars like John Cena.
We may not want the rich and famous in wrestling matches, but having them appear as guests or hosts is just fine, as it adds extra glitz and glamour to the show. From serving as a guest ring announcer, time keeper, interviewer, referee or manager, there’s various key and suitable ways to utilize actors, musicians and sports athletes on wrestling’s biggest stage.
Bring Back Vince McMahon As A Commentator
Whatever you may think of the man and his business decisions, you can’t deny that he can call one hell of a match!
Before there was the villainous Mr. McMahon of The Attitude Era or the behind-the-scenes “Mad King” of wrestling today, fans first met Vinnie Mac as the voice of WWE. He started out as a commentator for his father’s company and continued manning the mic duties when he bought the company. For decades fans knew Vince as the clean-cut, baby-face ringside commentator that would cheer on the “good guys” while denouncing the dirty tactics of the “bad guys.” Who better to tell the story of wrestling’s biggest characters than the man who created them?!
Having Vince return to the announcing table only for WrestleMania would be the cherry on top. It’d be like having Baseball Icon Vin Scully come out of retirement to call The World Series. What’s best for business now is for McMahon to slip on his sky blue announcer’s jacket, and call the action with his infectious passion. We can almost hear it now as Vince yells out: “It’s WrestleMania!!!”
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